Reader,
Not too many years ago my mom died. It was not altogether unexpected, however that does not mean that it hurt any less. I was finishing up my first year of college, and had three (it turned out to be four) more years to go.
Why am I telling you this? Before her death I let my imagination play. Whenever there was nothing to do, I would let my mind wander, and it helped me think up lots of crazy little stories. After her death memories kept popping into my mind. Happy memories, sad memories, memories filled with regret, whenever I had nothing to do or think about, I would be reduced to tears.
Being reduced to tears every time I let my mind wander wasn't going to work. I needed to grieve, true, but I also needed to stay in school. My attendance dropped, and that semester I received two F's. I tried to keep my mind occupied, to keep it off the painful memories, and although my attendance was shoddy I was averaging C's and B's. To give you a perspective- my last year in College I was on the President's Honor Roll both semesters.
Now I find my imagination is less active during down time. Most writes seem to agree on the blessing of everyday tasks, those things that allow your mind to wander where it will while your body does all the work. My mind, however, had been trained for four years how not to wander. Now I worry I may not be able to get it to wander again like it once did.
Do you enjoy the blessing of everyday tasks?
Any suggestions on restarting the ball rolling for me?
Until next time,
Rose
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4 comments:
I, personally, have never had trouble with the imagination, but always with execution. I can tell stories not write novels its very frustrating, but to answer your questions: I always appreciate the small little things often times too often and too much. The best thing, imo, you could do is channel your energies more actively until it become natural again, like Creative physical therapy.
Thanks Rio! I'm hoping that sooner or later the Creativity will kick in at work while doing routine zoning (as in straightening of the department, not 'zoning out'). After all, it's a small thing, that doesn't require much brain power, but I am required to do a lot of it.
I have less drift -in-my-head time than I did at your age, and often fill what I have iwth books of singing, but it does come back after college. I had to train myself to focus also (note to self, this year's word of intention again) inorder to get through the necessary. And, there comes a time when we all have to do forgiveness work to release the grieving and allow the wandering brain to discover other avenues.
I have used some different tools over the years to process this stuff , but since you are a writer I would suggest that you keep a gratitude journal. Just jot down 5 (or more) things that you are grateful for last thing before going to sleep at night. Not only does it channel your dream space into positive imagery, it is freeing of the normal chatter of what-if and if-only and the, like that we ususally carry into sleep, which causes us not to rest well and to getlocked into regrets, anger, etc.
Another think you might try is to program your dreams. When you reach a place in a story wher e you feel blocked, ask for answers when you go to sleep and likely they will turn up in your dreams. If you are like me, you'll have to keep a notebook by the bed and write them down immediately upon waking.
Just thoughts, and as for the blessings of everyday tasks, I often fantasize about being a stay at home spouse, I'd liove to spend some time with everyday tasks.
(((hugs)))
Thanks Deanna! I'll have to try that.
Luckily, as I said, I find myself in spaces where there is the potential for dividing my focus between folding/straightening/reorganizing/etc. and whatever my mind wants to wander to. Unfortunately 50% of the time at the moment it's having a song running through my head for hours. I'm assuming (possibly wrongly) that work would go faster if my mind was being productive instead of having the same exact song running through my head.
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